Quintessentially Q Read online

  I was never happy.

  But today I was worse than normal. I was wound tight and confused, but I kept my tangled emotions hidden beneath a blank angry façade. “Oui.” I smiled tightly in thanks, all the while wondering how the hell I was going to get through the day.

  Ushering Tess off the helicopter and into the back of the Rolls-Royce Phantom, I tried to keep my hands soft instead of grabbing her and shaking the crap out of her. Tell me what broke! Tell me if I ruined you.

  I wanted her to admit I ruined her as much as I hoped to fuck I hadn’t. Would I ever have one thought that wasn’t schizophrenic?

  Tess slid onto the side seat, looking serene and content against the beige leather. She looked around, taking in the crystal bar, the big-screen TV, the decadence of such a vehicle.

  “It’s a morning full of surprises,” she whispered.

  I didn’t think she meant for me to hear, but as I settled onto the backseat, I asked, “Care to tell me what the other surprises were?”

  Perhaps the bit where you came undone, and it snapped so loudly, I heard it in my fucking soul?

  I kept my balled hands hidden between my legs, portraying the picture of calm and stability. When really I wanted to slap her and demand the truth.

  But her entire demeanour turned languid and hard to read. She moved as if she had a delicious secret. She didn’t move like a woman I’d destroyed.

  Trying to tame my rapid heartbeat, I waited for her to answer. But she shook her head and looked out the window as the chauffeur started the car and pulled away. We were on a landing pad on top of a parking garage I owned. My office was next door. The inconvenience of driving the final three minutes paid in dividends for the use of roof space.

  Tess picked up a champagne flute with a sparrow flying over a skyscraper etched into the glass. She ran her thumb over the engraving, turning to look at me. “Have I told you how much I love your logo?”

  My lips twitched a little. I loved it, too. It took countless days, sketching frantically when I was sixteen, trying to figure out a sigil that I would wear with pride.

  Every time I saw it I sat taller, embraced the hard work I did, all because it allowed me to free so many women.

  Blondes, brunettes, young, and old.

  Without this company—without my success—I wouldn’t have been able to send so many home after a lifetime of torture. It wasn’t often I felt proud. A man like me with so many demons lashing at his soul could never be truly proud of the human he was, but in that moment, I let myself be content.

  “I’m glad you like it.”

  Suddenly, I regretted the four days with Tess I’d squandered. Instead of taking advantage of having her to myself, I’d buried myself in fucking paperwork, avoiding her questions, her requests for connection.

  I’d blocked her off emotionally because I wasn’t ready. I’m still not fucking ready.

  But now it felt like such a waste. I could’ve found out everything about her—asked her multiple questions, until I possessed every inch, every thought.

  And now it was too late. I let her free. She was no longer my prisoner, secreted away in my house to whip and fuck. She would become known by my staff. She would become a part of my business world.

  My throat closed up. Sickness rolled in my stomach, and for the first time since I was a boy, I felt loss. The terror that Tess would find others better than me. That she might one day grow to hate me and share my darkest secrets with the world.

  I hated myself for the thought. I could trust her.

  But I didn’t, and that one confession made me worse than every other fault combined.

  Tess had accepted both me and my beast. She was falling in love with me. She had a power over me that no one else had before. And I didn’t trust her.

  Shit, I’m scum.

  “I want to take you out to dinner tonight,” I grumbled, trying hard to battle back the darkness.

  Tess’s eyes flew to mine. “Dinner? As in a date?” She laughed quietly. “It’s a bit backward, don’t you think? After you owning me and all.”

  My back stiffened and the blackness billowed, welcoming me back into its embrace. “I can take you to dinner without your permission. All I need to do is starve you until you fucking yield.” The moment the words were out of my mouth, I rubbed my face, pressing my eyes with stabbing fingertips. Goddammit.

  Sucking in a heavy breath, I amended, “I never owned you. I always intended to free you. I just—I couldn’t. Not before I—” I couldn’t finish, couldn’t admit to wanting to completely destroy her before returning her to her tame little fuckwit of a boyfriend.

  “I broke my own law by keeping you, but I gave you back to him before I took everything.” I looked up, snarling. “I did the right thing!”

  The same crushing weight I’d felt when I stalked from my bedroom the morning I sent Tess away, pushed me into the seat. I’d never felt so hopeless, so helpless, so alone as I did when I watched her plane take off.

  Tess slid toward me, capturing my hand and running a gentle thumb over my knuckles. “I know you did the right thing. You wanted to protect me from you.” Her voice helped ease the immobilizing weight in my chest. I risked looking at her.

  “The thing is I didn’t need protecting.” She flashed me a bright smile, dispelling the angst between us. “I would love to go to dinner with you, Q.”

  Gravity shifted. Again. I dragged Tess into my lap, wrapping my arms tight around her. In my embrace, I held the moon and stars and planets. I held my future fucking happiness, and I’d kill myself if I ever fucked it up.

  Tess wiggled in my lap, doing crazy things to my already swelling cock. “You don’t have to starve me either, you know.”

  I snorted, dropping my head to inhale her crisp scent. In a moment of blinding honesty, I whispered, “Thank you. I’m still learning the correct etiquette for asking a woman out on a date.”

  She shifted, looking at me with wide eyes. “You’ve never—”

  I shrugged. “How can I when I save broken slaves and pay professionals?” Merde, I just admitted to using whores. Fuck me.

  Thoughts scattered over her face, a minor trace of disgust flickered in her eyes. She swallowed, visibly chasing the thoughts away. With an unsteady hand, she caressed my cheek, murmuring, “In that case, I’ll make sure this is the best date you’ve ever had.”

  *****

  “Wow. This is amazing,” Tess said, eyes wide as she took in the lobby of Moineau Holdings.

  The floor was covered in tiny mosaics in greys and browns and blacks, depicting a perfect cloud of sparrows. The walls were white marble, so polished they bounced sunlight into every corner, highlighting a mishmash of paintings, sculptures, and water features.

  I encouraged local artists to display and sell their work. I charged no commission, and it had become an unnamed art gallery and place to be seen.

  Tess bewitched me as she inched forward, soaking in the impressiveness of the lobby.

  Tonight.

  Tonight I would take her out to dinner, and we’d have our first deep conversation about trivial things. I wanted to hear all her dreams and make them a reality. I wanted to crack her open and know every dark secret.

  “This is all yours?” Tess broke into my daydream. Her face held awe while her eyes hid pain and unhappiness.

  Why the fuck is she unhappy?

  “It belongs to my company. Yes.” I motioned for her to go to the left, and placed my hand on the small of her back to propel her forward. Such an innocent touch. So why did my cock twitch and my mouth water to taste her again?

  We strode through the semi-crowded lobby to my private elevator. She asked, “Just how much do you own, Q?”

  I swiped my clearance identification and pressed the lift button, before turning to face her. “Does it matter?” I cocked an eyebrow, watching her closely. It obviously mattered a big fucking deal.

  Her eyes darted from mine as she bit her lip.

  My stomach twisted.
“Whatever is mine is yours. I signed the contract in blood, remember?” The memory of her arriving from Australia, sprouting all sorts of delicious promises, and slicing our palms with the paperknife to seal the deal, entered my mind. The confounding connection I’d felt when our blood smeared together had rocked me to my bestial centre.

  The lift pinged, and Tess stepped inside in a daze.

  The moment the doors closed, I imprisoned her chin with my fingers. “Don’t. Whatever you’re doing. Stop it.”

  She gave me a sad smile. “I’m just blown away. You’ll have to give me time to get used to it.” Her eyes dropped, but then met mine again with a vivid question in their grey depths. “Why me? Why did you let me into your life?”

  I scowled, wanting to strike her for ever asking such a dumbass question. I never thought a woman could make me hate my wealth. My ability to do what I did was the one thing I lived for. But right then, I wanted to be penniless if it made Tess more comfortable.

  I let go of her chin, running my fingers down her throat, along the valley of her breasts, over her stomach, veering toward her hip. I clenched my fingers hard around her hipbone, making her squeak.

  Instantly the awareness between us sprung to a fever pitch. The lift filled with thick tension and my body grew heavy with lust. “You already know the answer, esclave.” I rocked my hand against the five perfect fingernail marks. I knew they were there; I watched them bleed as I fucked Tess in the helicopter.

  I branded her with yet another mark, all in the name of taming the beast, reminding him that she may hide our violent nature from others, but her skin bore the truth beneath her clothes.

  “Q…” Tess battled with giving in to the burn of my fingers, or fighting me off. I didn’t know which would win, and we stared, glared for a millennium, while I waited for her decision.

  Taking the decision from her hands, I growled, “You need to accept this is all yours. I need you too badly to let you go.” I backed her up against the mirrored wall. “Tell me why I need you, Tess. You know the truth.”

  Tess lowered her eyes, her thick lashes causing shadows to dart over her cheeks. She looked so demure, so innocent and fucking fragile.

  My semi-hard cock thickened to full mast in a millisecond. I would never be satisfied around this woman. All I wanted to do was push her against the wall and wrap her legs around me. I wanted to be buried so fucking deep inside her, she would never contemplate asking me why her ever again.

  Why her? Because she made me fucking happy for the first time in my sorry existence. She made me stronger, more grounded…more right.

  Her gaze connected with mine, glazing with glittering lust and need. Her breathing grew shallow and my eyes dropped to her breasts, seeking out her hard nipples beneath her flimsy shirt.

  “You need me like I need you. I get it,” she murmured.

  I ducked and nuzzled her throat, teeth aching to break her skin and lick. “And why is that?” My hand reached to cup her neck, not squeezing—just a gentle coax, reminding her she was in my power.

  Her mouth opened and her body melted against mine. “Because…”

  My body burned for her; my ears strained for her answer. “Because…” I licked her lips, begging her to finish her sentence. I had to hear why she cared. It meant the world to me.

  My stomach tensed, recognizing yet another change in me. I would never have cared about another person loving me before. Now, I needed it more than anything. I would never be able to remove the dark tendencies I’d lived with all my life, but I slowly grew a capacity for calmness.

  Almost as if the monster took what it needed, then gave me a brief respite where I could be the love-struck, considerate man I wanted to be for her.

  Tess kissed me back, whispering into my mouth.

  “Because you’re my monster in the dark, and I’m yours.”

  Strip me bare, pull my hair, I don’t care, just take me there.

  I need that high, I need that pain, it’s the only thing that keeps me sane...

  The lift doors opened, breaking our moment.

  Q sighed, letting me go with a grimace. It looked as if he couldn’t stand the thought of not touching me.

  I knew how he felt. Whatever existed between us was growing fast, and I didn’t want to move. I wanted to stare into his eyes and try and decipher him.

  Q stepped out first, opening another door only a metre or two away. It wasn’t pretty. It wasn’t designer. In fact, the heavy riveted metal looked tarnished and weather worn.

  “Where are we?” I asked as I disembarked the lift.

  He smiled and undid the door handle, pushing the metal open. Instantly, sun beamed into the gloomy space, and I squinted in the glare.

  “Come on. I’ll show you where I spend most of my time.”

  Q beckoned me to follow, and I couldn’t believe my eyes. I’d died and gone to heaven. Literally.

  I stepped over the threshold and gasped. The entire Parisian skyline was there for my viewing pleasure. I ghosted forward, not aware of moving until I stood on the edge of the roof with the cosmopolitan city spread before my feet.

  My eyes popped wide. I hadn’t walked over concrete, but the softest, brightest green grass I’d ever seen. Wildflowers, bonsai, and fully grown fruit trees ringed the roof, shading little sitting areas and water features.

  Nestled in the middle of such an urban wilderness was a white sparkling building with glass walls all around.

  Q came toward me, bringing with him the noise of wingbeats and small updrafts of feathers.

  I ducked as a flurry of pigeons, blackbirds, and sparrows took flight over my shoulder, scattering from the garden into the limitless sky.

  I spun to Q, trying to understand this place.

  He grinned, eyes glowing with such blazing intelligence it floored me. This man ran a worldwide company. He dedicated his life to helping others, all the while hating himself for his downfalls.

  I meant what I said—why me? What did I ever do so special to deserve him?

  Only someone perfect and worthy and conflicted enough to understand him was worthy of all this. I hated my doubt—hated my need to hear him say he was falling for me, too.

  Some part of me worried I’d never hear those words from him.

  “Welcome to my office.” He fanned his arms wide. “I think it’s a much better use of space than a boring helipad.” He strode toward the building, sitting so proud, like a crown on top of his empire. “Shall we?”

  I nodded and followed Q to his domain. A few brave birds alighted on the grass as we left them in peace.

  This place was a sanctuary for wildlife in the heart of the city. The analogy didn’t escape my mind—Q built an oasis wherever he went, looking after those that needed the space to heal and be free.

  As enamoured as I was with Q, and as much as he fulfilled me, gave me everything my sick, twisted little soul could want, he drove me insane. I wanted into his head. I wanted to know every minute detail about him, and yet he didn’t trust me. That splintered my heart, and I wished I could prove my devotion to him. That I would never spill his secrets or cast blame on his perversions. I didn’t like that he might never fully open up, that I may never completely understand the man who possessed my heart.

  Q stopped just outside the building, holding out his hand.

  I stopped short, eyeing it warily, so conditioned to expect pain or pleasure from his touch.

  He huffed, gritting his jaw. “You refuse to do something as simple as hold my hand?” Hurt shadowed his gaze, and he let his arm fall.

  I rushed closer and took his palm, squeezing it hard. “I’d never refuse you anything. I’m just not used to something so…normal from you.” I gave him a shy smile, linking my fingers with his until we were locked together.

  Holding Q’s hand was so completely different to anything I’d experienced. Brax used to hold me sweetly, our palms a little sweaty—a boy and a girl fumbling with growing up.

  Q held me with possession,
and the rough-softness of his skin set my teeth on edge and my pulse catapulting. He was pure man. A dominant male who expected explicit compliance, all the while searching for a thread of retaliation. A complete contradiction—a man with two desires.

  He held my heart, rather than my hand.

  Q tugged me closer until our hands were wedged between our torsos. “I’m glad you’re here,” he whispered.

  I gulped, drowning in his citrus and sandalwood. Most of the time we fought with dagger and claw, and yet in that moment, the intensity simmered to flowers and petals.

  For the first time ever, our connection was sweet.

  “Don’t go dreamy eyed on me, Tess. I’m feeling sentimental. That’s all. Don’t get used to moments like this. You’ll be sorely disappointed.” He untangled his fingers from mine and stalked into the building, leaving me shocked and alone.

  Had I done something, or had Q realized how tender the moment was and freaked? I guessed the second one was more likely.

  I had a good mind to steal Franco’s gun and hold Q hostage so I could stand a chance of getting into his head. Every time I was close to breaking through, he ruined it.

  Sighing, I entered the open and airy office and froze on the spot.

  Ice.

  Terror.

  Utter, heinous foreboding.

  My limbs locked in place, and my instincts blared on high alert. The message was simple:

  Run.

  Run far, far away, and don’t come back.

  Run, Tess!

  It was the same body-steeling compulsion that made me so afraid in Mexico. My body quaked as I locked my legs from turning around and throwing myself off the building.

  Q didn’t matter. The sun or knowledge that nothing evil resided here didn’t matter. All I saw was darkness and blackness and the stench of death.

  Run!

  I cried out, clamping a hand over my mouth, crumbling into a ball.

  “You’ve got nice tits. You can’t hide them forever. Get in the shower and wash your filth.” Leather Jacket’s voice roared into my head. My healed rib bellowed in memory of him kicking me.

  “Accept that you are no longer a woman. You are merchandise. And merchandise must have a barcode for sale,” Jagged Scar muttered, just as the pain of the tattoo gun shredded my wrist.