Je Suis À Toi Read online

  Any suggestion was fine by me. As long as I remained in this bubble of relaxation.

  I wouldn’t admit it to Tess, but this…it was exactly what I needed. Getting away from work, our house, the constant strain of our companies and charities. I couldn’t completely unwind, even here—responding to emails and constantly checking for any meltdowns that needed urgent attention. But the rest of it, I could trust to the legion of employees who hopefully knew how to do their damn job.

  The ribbing from earlier was forgotten as we all ate in friendly company. Once our hunger was sated and the sun had risen enough to melt away the frost on the windowpanes, we sat back in drowsy happiness.

  Breakfast was cleared away while fresh lattes and macchiatos were delivered.

  Tess cupped her steamy caffeine with reverence, inhaling the coffee fragrance.

  Sun streamed into the space, highlighting her golden hair, glowing on curls of gold and wheat. Her cheeks pinked with contentedness, and when she caught my eye, she blushed.

  Even now…after so many years, she still managed to stab me in the heart and grab my cock with a single glance.

  I smiled, falling deeper into her spell, unable to look away. I drank in her dainty fingers around her glass, her lips pursing to blow on the hot froth, and the soft tendrils of hair dancing over her cheeks.

  I loved how strong but feminine she was. I loved how innocent but kinky she ran. And I adored how she took nothing for granted. I didn’t know if it was her upbringing of being unwanted and ignored, but I surrounded her in decadence and wealth and she didn’t covet any of it.

  She only cared about me.

  Me.

  She loves me.

  Even after what I’d done to her last night and all the nights of our marriage. No matter how bad I was or the fucked-up things I needed, she accepted me and cherished every part.

  I fucking loved her for that.

  For so many things.

  And I had to be content.

  If I couldn’t give her what I ultimately wanted…then…so be it.

  I had enough to keep me happy until I died.

  I would appreciate what I had and not what I didn’t.

  Tess looked up again, her gaze meeting mine. We shared another soft smile before she looked away and cocked her chin at Suzette, sharing a private, soundless message.

  “We’ll be right back,” she said.

  Before I could ask where she was going, Tess and my head housekeeper put down their coffees and vanished from the hall.

  Where the fuck are they going?

  I glowered at Franco, silently demanding an explanation.

  He shrugged. Not giving the game away. However, I didn’t think he was as clueless as me—just not willing to ruin whatever surprise the women had in store.

  Goddammit. If this was about birthday gifts, I didn’t want any.

  Tess couldn’t buy me anything that I wanted more than her.

  Frederick chuckled. “I know that look, Q, and relax. We didn’t get you presents. I know how that would go down.”

  I relaxed a smidgen. But then tensed again as Angelique smirked. “We didn’t get you presents. However, it doesn't mean your wife didn’t.”

  Shit, what did Tess do?

  Balling my hands, I did my best to control my annoyance. The padding of socked feet met my ears as I spun in my chair as Tess and Suzette wandered back into the room.

  I launched upright, staring at what hung adorably in Tess’s arms.

  Moving shyly toward me, she murmured, “I know you love your birds, Q. And normally, I would’ve bought you some exotic feathered friend for your aviary. But the last time I was at your office, I saw something that made me pause.”

  Saw what?

  What the fuck did she see to warrant this invasion into our lives?

  No one else mattered as my entire attention fell on Tess and the tiny puppy watching me with trusting black eyes. A shaggy version of a French bulldog with an upturned button nose and inquisitive ears never broke eye contact.

  Wait…she was in my office. I’d had countless dealings over the past few months. Some I wanted her to know about and others I didn’t.

  Keeping my voice monotone, I demanded, “What did you see? When you were at work?”

  “The shelters.”

  My jaw tensed. So she had seen that. What about the other charity I’d recently set up?

  I stepped slowly toward her, eyeing the mutt.

  If she’d seen the animal charity, she might’ve seen the others. The paperwork had been side by side until I handed the finalizing to Frederick.

  Glancing at my longtime friend and colleague, I raised an eyebrow. I didn’t know what I asked Frederick, and I didn’t know what his half-shaken head reply meant. Either way, Tess was far too fucking curious for her own good.

  Couldn’t I have one secret that she wasn’t aware of? One hidden desire she didn’t need to parade into her light and make me face when I wasn’t ready?

  Merde! Shit!

  Suzette sidestepped me, returning to her place beside Franco. The moment she left, I strode forward and cupped Tess’s cheek, doing my best to ignore the wriggling fur ball in her arms. “You didn’t have to snoop, esclave. Once the organisation was complete, I would’ve told you.”

  She smiled, not caring in the slightest I’d kept it from her. Mainly because she knew I spoke the truth. The minute it was a done deal and something I could be proud of rather than worry, I would’ve told her. I might not have told her about the other charity for some time—giving myself the space to accept what I’d become to suspect—but she had no reason to doubt me. I’d never kept secrets from her…until recently.

  “I know, Q. Don’t worry about that. I just—I saw the forms on your desk and made a decision. I—I hope you don’t mind.”

  “I don’t mind.” My hand fell from her cheek, hovering over the soft head of the wriggling black puppy. “However, just because I’ve donated a considerable sum to animal cruelty prevention and shelters around the world doesn’t mean I understand why there’s a dog in your arms.”

  Tess smiled, doting on the small fluff bag. “When I saw the forms, I googled the address of one of the closest shelters. I wanted to see for myself and be a part of it, if you’d let me. When I arrived and asked for a tour, a dog was delivered after being rescued from an abusive asshole.”

  Her eyes melted into blue sorrow. “Q…the poor thing was howling and in pain. So afraid. The vet tried to tend to her—give her medicine and show her she’d be cared for, but all I could see when I looked at that poor creature with cuts and bruises and terror in her gaze was me. You rescued me from the same sort of environment. Without you, I could’ve ended up belonging to some bastard who would’ve done to me what was done to that poor dog.”

  She nuzzled her face into the scruff of the animal. “I just couldn’t leave her there. The cages at the shelter were fine—she would've had a bed and food and grass to stretch her legs—but Q…I just, I fell in love with her.”

  Fuck.

  The beast inside me rolled onto its back, begging for the same scratch and loving attention Tess doted on the canine. How could I say no to that? How could I ever say no to anything she wanted?

  Because she was right.

  She could’ve been any number of unlucky slaves untreasured by devils of the world. It was why I did what I did and hunted rapists and traffickers, rehabilitated victims and abused, and now, extended my reach into the animal kingdom because they were the ones with such a raw fucking deal.

  All they wanted was a home and a family.

  And a lot of them were either loveless or suffered maltreatment.

  I couldn’t stand by and let that happen. Neither could Tess. And that made me love her so goddamn much.

  I sucked in a breath, my arms aching to grab her in the largest hug. “You did the right thing.”

  Relief sparked in her eyes. “Really? Oh, thank God.” Raising the puppy, she added, “I brought the cut
est one…hoping he’d sway you.”

  My eyes narrowed. “Wait, cutest one? Where’s the other dog you mentioned? Why not take the abused one? Puppies will be easier to rehome than an elderly life-broken bitch.”

  Tess bit her lip, glancing at Suzette across the room. “I, eh…I did take the mother. I—you have to understand, Q. They’re family. I couldn’t separate family. How cruel would that be?”

  My heart raced, imagining my chateau not only overrun by recovering slaves, but also a first-class kennel to every maltreated animal in France. “What do you mean?”

  Tess deliberately broke eye contact, kissing the puppy’s wrinkly forehead. “I took the mum and her three puppies. They’re at home. I thought it would be best to introduce you one at a time.”

  What the fuck?

  My lips twitched with annoyance and affection. “And what if I’m allergic to dogs or don’t want a pack running through my house?”

  “Too bad.”

  “Too bad?”

  Tess nodded.

  My hand itched to spank her for such gall.

  “They’re ours now. They don’t have names yet, but the mum is the sweetest soul, and her pups will grow up to know what it’s like to be loved with their family rather than be torn apart and sent to people they don’t know.”

  “They would’ve found loving homes, Tess.” I couldn’t tear my eyes away as she sank her fingers into the puppy's fur. Irrational jealousy caught me unaware. I wanted her to pet me. Stroke me. I wanted to be the beast she comforted not some imposter.

  But I couldn’t help the slight thawing inside as the puppy looked at me, lolling out its tongue in welcome.

  Balling my hands, so I didn’t reach out and touch the bastard, I snapped, “The animal shelters and charity I’ve started doesn’t condone killing. Each animal is given the best quality of life before their forever home is found.”

  “Oh, I know. But…Q…I couldn’t leave them there. No matter how nice their pen was or the facilities at the shelter. They’re babies!”

  Baby.

  My heart clutched at the word. I couldn’t stop my mood from souring or the harshness in my tone. “That’s a ridiculous reason.”

  “It’s a perfectly valid reason.” Tess passed the pup to me. “Name him, Q. He’s yours.”

  I backed up, wanting nothing to do with something so breakable. I had a hard time keeping Tess safe from myself, let alone a flimsy baby with no sense of fear.

  “Esclave…”

  “No, Q. Hold him.” She gave me no choice, shoving the animal into my arms and backing away.

  I held my breath as the squirming warm body did something to me that fucking hurt. All my life, I’d run from the notion of family. I never wanted children or weakness by giving my heart to too many people. Tess was the only one allowed to weaken me. If she died, I’d fucking perish with her. That was how deep my love for her went. I didn’t want to destroy myself by giving others such a godly power over me.

  That wasn’t how I worked. I wanted to be strong by being alone. But then Tess came into my life and grabbed the beating organ without any permission from me.

  She’d just done it again by giving me a dog that strained its scruffy black neck to lick my chin.

  Ah, fuck.

  Looking behind me, I focused on Frederick. “Take this. I wish to speak to my wife…alone.”

  “It’s not a this, Q. It’s a puppy.” Tess scowled. “Give him a name. Any name you want.”

  “Shut up.” I glared at Tess. “We’ll finish discussing this later.” Holding the dog like a soccer ball under my arm, I marched toward Franco. “Here, take it.”

  Franco stood quickly, accepting the creature as it yelped with uncertainty. Tess stepped forward, whatever motherly instincts she had raging into gear.

  But I held her back, my fingers lacerating her wrist.

  “Go. All of you.”

  The rumble of chairs pushed back and feet sliding over polished floorboards was the only sound as they filed from the hall. Frederick stopped and plucked the puppy from Franco’s arms, giving Tess a fleeting grin. “I’ve got a dog at home. I know how to give a hug. He’s safe with me.”

  Tess gave him a grateful smile.

  A flashback of him pulling Tess from my arms when I’d saved her the second time—just before I tore out the heart of the bastard who stole her—added despicable darkness to a sweet scene.

  I waited until everyone had left. Staff included.

  Once everyone had gone, I stormed toward the large doors and slammed them closed. My eyes darted around the space, searching for another entrance to block.

  There was nothing.

  As far as I was concerned, we wouldn’t be disturbed.

  Which was good because depending on how Tess answered my next question, we might need a shit load of privacy.

  Tess stood where I’d left her, her eyes never leaving my jerky movements.

  Standing with a few metres between us, I kept my fisted hands hidden. “What else did you see, Tess?”

  “See?”

  “On my desk. In the office. I know there were more forms. Forms you haven’t mentioned.”

  She flinched. “I didn’t snoop if that’s what you’re asking.”

  “I’m not asking. I know. And I think you understand how it relates to my issue over the last few months.”

  Her eyes shot wide. “I do?”

  Keeping my voice measured, I lowered my brow. “What did you see?”

  She backed away a little as I advanced. Her gaze remained on me, not looking where she was going.

  “I…I saw another new charity that you’ve invested millions into.”

  “And…”

  “And what? I don’t know what you want me to say.”

  “Say what it was.”

  “The charity?”

  I arched my eyebrow. She was playing coy; she knew what happened when she did that. My hand twitched to teach her a lesson. My skin crawled at the dragged out discomfort of such a topic. I hadn’t wanted to do this here. But once again, she hadn’t given me a choice. Making me face my deepest, darkest desires before I was ready.

  I growled, “There was one for the shelters and another for…”

  Tess swallowed. “Umm…”

  The door clanged open. Angelique darted into the dining room.

  Tess and I leapt apart as if we’d been caught doing something wrong.

  Doing my best not to roar with frustration, I snapped, “I told you to leave us alone, Angelique.”

  “I know…I just, Frederick told me—”

  The man in question chased after his wife, taking my temper squarely on his shoulders. “I told her I needed to speak with you urgently.” Smiling kindly at Tess, he said, “If you go with Angelique, she’s arranging the chauffeur to drive us to the local village for a browse. I think it will do us all good to get some fresh air.”

  Tess glanced my way, her face undecided. She was like me. She hated strung-out arguments and unresolved issues. We needed to talk about this—a lot sooner than I’d wanted but fucking Frederick had ruined the moment.

  “What’s your deal, mon ami?” I snarled. “We need some time. We have no intention of going shopping when this hasn’t been discussed—”

  Frederick stormed toward me, braving his life to touch my arm. “I think topics such as these should wait until you’re at home, don’t you?” Lowering his voice, so Tess couldn’t hear, he added, “Besides, you’re not entirely sure yet. Give it a few more days, Q. Then you can rage all you want.”

  Fuck.

  He had a point.

  I still didn’t have my head on straight. If I opened this topic with Tess now, who the fuck knew what I would say. I didn’t want to hurt her. And the way my anger swirled like hissing dragons in my blood, I just might.

  “Fine.” My voice was a bite.

  Angelique visibly relaxed, looping her arm through Tess’s and pulling her from the dining room.

  “We’re not th
rough with this, Q.” Tess fought against Angelique’s propulsion “I want to know what you’re hiding from me.”

  Gritting my teeth, I did my utmost to keep my voice neutral. “We’ll talk about it when we get home.”

  “Home or here…it doesn’t stop what I saw.” Rebellion and fight—the same strength that I made her promise over and over to never let me break—blazed bright in her eyes. “I saw, Q. I know what the other charity was. But you’re wrong about me being able to figure out how it attributed to your behaviour the past few months. I said I’d give you time, but you’re quickly running out of it.”

  Shit.

  Before I could reply, Angelique gave me an apologetic smile and stole my wife from the room.

  “HE’S NOT VERY good on a lead.” I forced my voice to be light and fun-filled but nothing could switch the stagnant air between Q and me. Not even the stumbling puppy currently chewing on his leash by my feet.

  Damn Frederick and Angelique for interfering.

  If they’d stayed away for just another few seconds, Q would’ve admitted what he’d been hiding. I was sure of it. He would’ve had no choice but to spit it out. His temper wouldn’t have permitted it any other way.

  We would’ve fought verbally. Hell, maybe even physically, and then we would’ve made up. We would've spent the entire day in bed, striping each other of our defenses. We would’ve hurt and healed together.

  Instead of this farce.

  Why is he so afraid?

  Damn man not willing to talk.

  I knew him as well as I knew myself, but I wasn’t a mind reader.

  Suzette and Franco strode ahead, their hands interlocked as they browsed quaint tourist shops and cafes. The cobblestones reminded me of the village where Franco had chased me after I’d escaped and called Brax. But the air of relaxed charm did nothing to tame Q as he stalked beside me.

  Frederick did his best to change the mood, chatting quietly to Q about work matters and things that failed to take his mind off whatever he brooded about.