Third a Kiss (GODDESS ISLES Book 3) Page 7

  Him.

  I’d cheated on Scott.

  I’d turned my back on my old existence for the mere whisper of a new one.

  I’d stolen a drug and used it against the very man who created it.

  I willingly, happily gave my body to be used by him.

  I screwed up everything, but I would do it all over again because Sully had admitted something. Something that confused the hell out of me as well as corrupted me.

  “I asked for them to find you. I sent an intimate description of someone who isn’t real. But then they found you. You. Were. Real. You were real enough for them to deliver you to me, and I fucking bought you, even knowing it was the biggest mistake of my fucking life.”

  What did he mean by that? That any girl who looked like me would’ve made him feel this way? That what we felt wasn’t special…just misplaced by him lusting after a figment of his imagination?

  I didn’t know if I found that stupidly romantic or hopelessly sad. Why was he so determined to lie to himself?

  I wasn’t crazy.

  When I’d dragged him from the bottom of the waterfall and he’d slipped inside me in the shallows, there had been love in his eyes.

  I know there was.

  Love and awe and the total disbelief that we’d found each other.

  But if he could feel that—if he could admit in that moment that this, us, was unique…then why did he shout and kick me from his room? Why did he throw a shirt in my direction, march me out his door, and leave me to find my way back through the meandering pathways to my villa.

  Why hadn’t he visited?

  I sighed, pulling my knees up and resting my chin on them. It’d been twelve hours since I’d woken to Sully’s fury. In the beginning, I thought he raged at himself. The way he looked at the wounds he’d given me spoke of crippling self-loathing. But then that temper had switched. He’d swallowed back the softness that’d bloomed between us and denied everything, every look, every touch, every connection…including the fact that it was him in Euphoria that first time.

  Is he a liar?

  Or am I the most stupid, starry-eyed girl in history?

  The quick quiver of wings announced Skittle’s arrival just before she came to a graceful perch on my toes. Instantly, my stomach stopped churning in worry. Her presence acted as a sedative to the calamity in my head and heart. “Hey, little bird. Where have you been?” I reached out to tickle under her chin. “Did you see us yesterday? See our unhinged display on the path?”

  She squeaked and fluffed her wings.

  “I take that as a no.” I smiled. “Hopefully.”

  Had anyone seen?

  Was it luck that we’d been alone, or had Cal managed to do what Sully asked and shepherded everyone to their villas? I was glad we hadn’t been watched, not that it would’ve mattered with the state Sully was in.

  The state I put him in.

  Skittles chirped and angled her head for me to scratch deeper. Her black eyes closed in pure bliss.

  I sighed again, allowing a simpler connection between bird and human to take precedence over the complicated one I shared with a monster.

  But then Cal’s snippy comments returned.

  “You broke his precious trust. You proved that no one can be trusted. Especially you.”

  I groaned under my breath as another lance pierced my heart.

  What Cal had told me last night had haunted my sleep. He spoke of trust as if it was the most fundamental rule to life. He acted as if Sully had lost the ability to feel such faith. And if that was true, then no matter how much daydreaming I did, no matter how much plotting to make him concede, no matter how primitive and explosive our sex had been, it wouldn’t make a damn bit of difference.

  Sully would continue to deny he felt anything. And he’d most likely still get rid of me for his sanity.

  I probably made things worse…not better.

  Skittles sensed my crushing sadness, flying from my toes to my knees.

  I reclined a little, giving her space to nuzzle at my fingers, straining to chatter and chirp against my lips. I kissed her back, closing my eyes at the gentle nibbles and oddness of being kissed by a bird.

  Her tiny head bumped against my chin, bringing another unwanted wash of tears up my spine. “Ugh.” I swiped at the moisture with my knuckles, the diamond icy and sharp in my fist. “You know…before this whole mess, I never used to cry.”

  Skittles cocked her head, listening attentively.

  “It’s true. Before Sully, I’d never fainted. Before being kidnapped, I only cried out of frustration rather than grief.” I stroked her silky plumage. “Maybe it’s my parents’ fault that I’m fawning over a man who’s cold-hearted and cruel.”

  Skittles bounced on my knees at Sully’s name but remained a rapt listener. “Mum and Dad weren’t exactly good role models of how a relationship should be. They bickered all the time, and the tension when they were together was awful. I was glad, not sad, when they got divorced.”

  Yet another layer of pain found my heart, a strange kind of tower filled with recent pain, past pain, and overwhelming future pain.

  “Maybe, there’s no such thing as ‘the one’ or soulmates or happily ever after. Maybe for girls like me, there’s possession, and trade, and new masters when the old ones get bored.”

  Skittles twittered and rubbed her beak on my knee in sympathy. Her little personality had blossomed since she’d claimed me as her own. I was wrong when I thought she wasn’t as cute as Pika.

  She was adorable. Adorable and sweet and kind and—

  “Ugh, stop it!” I swiped at another stupid tear. “Just stop it. You tried; you failed. Tonight is probably your last night here, so go for a swim, soak in the island, and then never ever think about that man again.”

  A squawk shredded the soft hish-hish of the ocean just as Pika dive-bombed from above, tucking in his wings, hurtling down like a green torpedo. I ripped around just as the pipsqueak parrot landed on the sand, fanning his wings and stomping his scaled feet in vibrant display.

  My heart lurched.

  Sully.

  Pika normally appeared just before Sully did, flying ahead to torment me before his master could. But no man appeared from inside my villa. No visitor with an apology or explanation.

  I slouched, twisting to face the sea again. Pika nibbled my toes, his black eyes so much more mischievous than his sister’s. Skittles chirped indignantly, puffing up as if she didn’t appreciate the rude interruption.

  “Hey, Pika. Where did you come from?” I held up my hand, letting him flutter up and perch on my finger.

  He squeaked, chattering on about life and nonsense.

  “Seems they love you, Jinx. They don’t hang out with any other goddess, that’s for sure.”

  I spun around so fast, Pika took wing off my finger with a snippy squawk.

  My heart wanted it to be Sully. Disappointment flowed thick when I found a female instead.

  “Jealousy…”

  She laughed under her breath. “Don’t sound overjoyed to see me or anything.”

  “Sorry. I am…just—I’m contemplating life and not liking my options.” I scooted to face her, waiting until she stepped off the deck to join me in the sand. In her hands rested a familiar garment. One that’d been torn into pieces and ripped off my body yesterday. A bejewelled dress that probably cost an absolute fortune and had been left in ruin on the path.

  She laughed again as I blushed. “Recognise something?”

  “Where did you get that from?”

  “Cal asked me to walk the pathways after he very unceremoniously commanded all of us to return to our villas until further notice. He came to get me a few hours later to…clean up the mess. His words, not mine.” She giggled. “I found the pieces on the fork to Nirvana.”

  I groaned under my breath as she dropped the glittery dress onto the sand and sat elegantly beside me. “Nirvana happens to be where Sully lives.” She nudged my shoulder with hers. “So�
�are you going to tell me what happened, or do I have to guess?” Her eyebrows waggled. “Because I’ve been guessing all day, and I really want to know if my imagination lives up to the reality.”

  Pika and Skittles suddenly took off, abandoning us in a flurry of feathers.

  Had they been summoned by Sully?

  Could he hear us?

  Did he expect me to stay mute on what’d occurred or could I share with Jealousy?

  He said she’d be your only confidant.

  So…confide.

  Inhaling, I admitted in one long rush, “Sully was about to sell me so I dressed up as much as I could, stole a vial of elixir, spiked his drink, waited instead of running like he told me, let him use me however he wanted, saved him when he almost drowned in Nirvana, fell stupidly in love with him somewhere along the line, and then woke up to his furious tirade, and a pretty strong message that he hates me when he threw me out.”

  I shrugged, splaying my hands and wincing as the diamond caught the final spiels of light from the sunset. The faceted stone burned orange and gold. “I gambled on the fact that he felt something for me…and I’m pretty sure I lost, so we might as well say goodbye because I doubt he’ll let me stay much—”

  Jealousy snatched the diamond from my palm, cradling it close and shutting me up. Her eyes narrowed as she tumbled the priceless rock from hand to hand.

  I felt no ownership over it, so I didn’t care if she claimed it. It would mean something to me if I knew who’d given it to me, but currently, it made me feel like a bought and paid for whore.

  “I’m impressed you spiked him with elixir.” She kept her gaze on the diamond, juggling it, letting the final sun-sliver catch and sparkle. “I’m impressed you survived him using you while out of his mind. I’m also impressed that you fought for your future, rather than letting him dictate it.”

  Fisting the diamond, she caught my stare with hers. “But I’m disappointed that you think he’ll sell you. He’s never sold a goddess. Not once. And I know he’s had two offers on me alone.”

  “He has?”

  She nodded. “A man named Boris and another who I can’t remember. They cornered me, professed their love for me. The usual drama after they fall for us in Euphoria.”

  “That’s what happened to me. Roy Slater approached me and asked to buy me. He wanted to…marry me.” I swallowed hard. “Sully agreed.”

  “He might have agreed, but he’d never have gone through with it.”

  “He looked pretty set when he told Cal to draw up the contract.”

  Jealousy leaned closer, her hazel gaze diving deep into mine, once again shoving aside my worries, my sins, and fishing for my truth until she grabbed it with both hands and yanked it to the surface. “I give you my word, there is no way in hell he would’ve put you on that helicopter with another man.”

  Goosebumps scattered down my arms, completely ignoring the muggy humidity and pretending I sat in snow instead. “How can you be so sure?”

  She grinned, revealing perfect teeth. “Because you’re his.”

  “We all are. He bought each and every one of us.”

  “Don’t be obtuse, Jinx. You know exactly what I mean when I say you’re his. You’re the one. You’re his forever.”

  A sick chuckle spilled from my mouth. “Look, I appreciate the pep talk and your attempt to make me feel better, but you don’t know what you’re—”

  “Who do you think gave you this diamond?” She held it up, spinning it in her fingers. “If you slept with Sully as much as I think you did yesterday, your answer should be fairly clear by now.”

  I went deathly still. “Wait…the night Sully came to lock me in the cage. After I’d run away. You said I needed to know something about—”

  “The diamond. Yes.” She nodded brusquely. “Yes, I did. But…I’m guessing you already know what I was going to say.”

  I shivered. “You expect me to believe Sully was the one who gave me that?”

  “Wasn’t he?”

  “I mean…physically, yes. You were there. He shooed away all the other goddesses and then gave me the box.”

  She lowered her voice, cocooning us in our secrets. “What did he whisper to you? I scampered the moment he looked at you as if he’d throw you on the table and eat you for breakfast.”

  “He…” I licked my lips, wishing I didn’t remember in exquisite detail but unable to deny it. His voice vibrated in my skull. “… another man told me that you’re the best he’s ever had. That he’ll never forget fucking you. That he gave you a piece of his heart. I got…jealous.”

  “He said it was from a man who fell in love with me.”

  If it was him…why was he jealous? Jealous because he hid behind a ruse?

  “That man…being him,” Jealousy murmured.

  My heart literally hiccupped. Anger hung on the coat-tails of my agony and I scooted away a little, needing space, needing her to stop this nasty game. “I asked him point-blank if he felt anything for me, and he…”

  “You, Eleanor Grace, are something. You have the power to be everything. And that is why you’ll forever remain nothing.”

  “He denied feeling what I did.”

  Jealousy huffed impatiently. “That’s not what I think he said at all.” She tossed me the diamond. I didn’t catch it in time, and it plopped onto the sand, sinking until the shiny jewel became just another pebble on the beach.

  “Why is this so important to you, huh?” I asked. “Are you trying to deliberately hurt me? Don’t you think I’ve overanalysed everything he’s said to me? Trying to read between the lines, to see a message he might be giving me.”

  “Oh, I know you’ll be doing that. And I know you see the message he’s been giving, but you’re too weak to admit it.”

  “Weak?” I bared my teeth. “You’re calling me weak now?”

  “Afraid too.” She crossed her arms. “Afraid of admitting that you’re both in deeper shit than you realise. That you’re both too damn stubborn to actually tell the truth. To let the truth have a chance.”

  “I’m not the stubborn one. He is.”

  “Then stop him being so stubborn.”

  “How?”

  “By doing exactly what you’ve been doing.”

  “It’s not enough!” My temper shot free. “I’ve tried. I’ve lectured myself that what exists between us isn’t normal. That it’s worth fighting for. But how can I trust something so new and strange when the circumstances between us are so fucked up? How can I trust myself?”

  Jealousy stood, wiping the sand from her apricot sundress. Plucking the diamond from the beach, she dropped it into my palm. “The bigger question is…how can he trust you?”

  “What do you know that you’re not telling me, Jess?” I chose to use her real name, to imprint the seriousness of my question.

  She responded in kind, her pretty face stern with honesty. “Sullivan Sinclair is a man with severe trust issues, very little faith in humanity, and from what I can piece together, he’s done monstrous things to those he’s loved in the past. He will lie to your face if you ever ask him if he loves you. He will lie to himself until he almost believes he feels nothing. He will never admit that you’ve wormed your way past his defences because that would force him to confront his very existence as a man. His whole operation. His view on the world, his empathy toward his creatures, his utter disdain for his own kind. By admitting he’s fallen for you, he’s effectively signing his own death sentence because there is no easy path from there. No easy way of admitting that his prior convictions might be wrong. That he might one day severely hurt or kill you because his trust is non-existent.”

  Coming close, she ducked in front of me and balanced with her hands on my thighs. Just like when she’d come to claim me for Euphoria the first time. Just like when she’d asked if I was more afraid of evolving than the actual pleasure Euphoria would give me. “Look, I told you before…Sully is reaching burnout. He knows it himself. He knows something has to give.
He knows something bad will have to happen before he can finally admit to himself that he isn’t the cold-hearted bastard he believes. And he hates you because you’re forcing him to admit it far sooner than he wants.”

  Her fingers clutched my thighs. “He was the one who gave you that diamond. He was the one who fucked you in Euphoria. He was the one who told you he was in love with you because he could use the disguise to hide the truth from you as well as him. I guarantee if you get him to where he thinks he can hide behind a mask, he will be far more lenient with the truth. He’ll admit what’s in his heart because he knows he can take it all away again, and it won’t mean a thing because it wasn’t him admitting them.”

  I sucked in a breath, shaking and shocked. “Why are you telling me this? How do you know all this?”

  She cupped my cheeks, pressing sand granules into my skin. “I know because I watch and listen. I know because the night Sully hooked you up to Euphoria, he tripped out of that bathroom and looked as if he’d seen everything he ever wanted and knew he could never have it. He made you believe he sent you to fuck Markus Grammer, but the moment he pressed that button—” She stopped herself, sighing heavily.

  “The moment he pressed the button…what? What happened?”

  She smiled sadly. “Cal went to get Markus. The men are brought in once the goddess is already loaded into the program. I’d stayed lurking close by…I was the only one who saw what Sully felt after whatever happened with you guys in the bathroom. He noticed me. And it only took a second for him to snap his fingers and take me into the second VR room. I didn’t need to ask. I helped him put the sensors on me, I willingly drank the elixir, all while he copied Markus Grammer’s fantasy and…put me in your place.”

  “What?” My heart dropped to my toes.

  “He made me look like you. He intercepted Cal and loaded Markus into the hallucination. And then he went back…to you.” She grinned coyly. “I know that diamond is from Sully because…Markus gave me one too. He gave me a diamond that was meant for you and Sully gave it to me the night before he found you at breakfast. The only difference was the diamond from Markus was two carats. The one from Sully is at least four.”