Thousands Page 10

  That mindless addiction was overshadowed for a moment. A moment where I wanted the best for her above all things—no matter the cost.

  “What is the right question?” I murmured as she slotted herself against me and kissed right over my heart as if I was something to be worshiped and not the other way around.

  I couldn’t win with this woman.

  I didn’t stand a fucking chance.

  I was completely, utterly, undeniably hers until time stopped ticking or the world stopped spinning—whatever came first.

  I’d never felt that before.

  Never wanted to be so irrevocably tied to another that I was willing to do anything to make it possible.

  “The right question is...do you want me?” Her eyes glistened with memories of the hotel room, her letter, and my subsequent reply by leaving.

  I swallowed the sudden hand grenade in my throat. “Do you even need to ask, Pimlico?”

  She smiled. “You didn’t call me Tasmin.”

  “Do you want me to call you Tasmin?”

  She paused, thinking it over with a seriousness I hadn’t expected. “I think...one day I might. But not today.”

  I didn’t need any more clarification. I understood better than she knew. Not letting her change the subject, I breathed, “Do you honestly think I don’t want you?”

  She blushed. “It’s not that you don’t want me. It’s if you can survive me.”

  I shuddered at how perceptive she was. “I can’t.”

  She froze, doing her best to seem okay with the truth but crushed regardless. “That’s okay...”

  It was my turn to cup her face, wincing as my fingers burned from her softness. I choked beneath the weight of confession. “I can’t survive you, Pim. That’s the problem.”

  Her bottom lip quivered. “I-I underst—”

  “But I can’t survive without you, either. And I know now which of those I choose.”

  Tears glittered in her gaze. “I’m sorry.”

  “I’m not.” I bent to kiss her.

  I didn’t bother looking at the officer or receptionist. I didn’t care we’d brought a damn soap opera to them. All I cared about was kissing her, convincing her, showing her that no matter what happened...we were already bound and doomed.

  We’d started this path the moment Alrik emailed me to arrange a meeting. We’d given into this direction the moment I’d draped my jacket over her shoulders and felt something inside my loveless heart that I should’ve bolted from.

  And now look where we were.

  Fucked.

  Well and truly fucked.

  But I wouldn’t change a thing.

  I wouldn’t stop.

  I couldn’t.

  My neck ached with tension as I lowered myself the rest of the way and dared kiss her.

  Dared to activate the curse in my blood all over again.

  Dared to lose myself to her where I could never be free.

  But as her lips touched mine and her tongue flickered into my mouth, I knew I would fight myself tooth and nail to deserve her.

  As quickly as I’d bestowed the kiss, I pushed her away, curling my fists against the sudden roar for more, more, more.

  I would not take more.

  I would take that single pleasure and control myself.

  Trembling, I held out my hand. “Please, Pim. Come home.”

  With an unsteady breath, she slotted her fingers into mine. “I’m already home. I’m with you.”

  Chapter Twelve

  ______________________________

  Pimlico

  SO MUCH HAD changed yet nothing had changed at all.

  The way Elder glared at me was still the same, yet there was a new layer to his glower that not only activated my tummy to heat and prickle but my heart and soul, too. The weight of his stare held so many familiar and unfamiliar things.

  He didn’t touch me again as he escorted me from the police station and held open the door to an unknown white sedan.

  I gave him a curious look and scooted in, mindful of my tender spots and bruises.

  Selix sat in the front seat with a driver. He turned to face me; his long hair twirled in a top knot.

  I almost asked where the usual black Town Car was that travelled on the Phantom, but Elder landed beside me with his fists tightly curled by his thighs as if forbidding himself to reach for me.

  “Hello, Pimlico.” Selix smiled, eyeing us and noting the tension resonating like bad karaoke.

  I didn’t know if that was the first time he’d called me by name—even if it was a false one—but it was as if some ice thawed between us. I’d never felt entirely welcome in Selix’s presence, and I could understand why. His loyalties were to Elder, not to me, and rightfully so.

  I respected him for protecting his friend. But at the same time, I was glad that chilliness had melted into an extension of friendship. I could guess why. By leaving, I’d shown I would put Elder’s welfare above my own.

  Returning Selix’s smile, I said, “Nice to see you again.”

  The driver glanced at me in the rear-view. Selix noticed, shrugging. “This is a temporary measure. Our car is still on the Phantom.”

  Why was that any different? The Phantom was moored back in its spot in the harbour...isn’t it?

  “Elder here” —Selix cocked his head at the man sitting rigidly beside me—“didn’t give us time to sail back. He said it was urgent.”

  “It was urgent. She was in jail, for Christ’s sake.” Elder’s gaze turned tortured as he looked at me. “The thought of you spending time in a cell damn well butchers me.” He took my hand, squeezing it hard. “I’m so sorry, Pim.”

  I clenched my fingers around his. “Don’t be. I actually spent most of that time at the hospital, so I was looked after in style.”

  His eyes narrowed. “Hospital?” His gaze dropped over me, calculating, assessing. “I see your black eye and the stiff way you move. How badly are you hurt? What bastard did this to you?” His nostrils flared, filling the car with an aggressive vengeance. “I’ll gut him.”

  Selix turned to face the front, giving quiet instructions to the driver to depart. As the car slid into motion, I shook my head. “It’s nothing.”

  “It’s not nothing.”

  Looking out the window, I said far too blasély, “I’ve had much worse.”

  Whoops.

  Elder turned arctic with fury. His thighs clenched as every muscle stiffened in a mixture that shot way past anger and turned wild with the need to kill. “I positively hate that that is true.” His face turned dark with torment. “I’d do anything so you never knew the feeling of a fucking bee sting, let alone such abuse.”

  Shifting in the fabric seat, I rushed to delete such thoughts from him.

  He had to stop taking the blame.

  And I had to stop reminding him of my past.

  “The police were very understanding. I was—”

  His eyes turned blacker than normal. “Understanding how?”

  “Well, I told them about...me and other things. They took me to the hospital to do tests.”

  He went deathly still. “And these tests...were the results good or bad?”

  My chest turned hollow with the newfound emptiness that I would never be a mother. Never carry that magic. I had no intention of telling him such a thing. Ever.

  Ensuring calmness decorated my face and not pain, I nodded. “The results were fine. I’m well on the mend—thanks to you. I’m healthy.” Touching my cheek where the swelling of injury remained, I shrugged. “This will fade in a few days and then no more. I’m done being someone’s punching bag.”

  Elder locked his jaw, glaring out the window at downtown Monte Carlo. “I suppose it’s a good thing they checked you over. Saves the appointments I’d booked in. We don’t need to worry about them now.”

  I sucked in a breath, grateful that I’d seen a gynaecologist who wasn’t a member of his team and would stand by their confidentially clause.


  My barrenness was my own hollowness to bear—not his.

  Taking a deep breath, Elder asked a short, painful question—almost as if he hadn’t meant to ask it, but his mouth betrayed him. “Did you tell them about me? Give them my name?”

  My head whipped to face him. “Of course not.” Misery barbed my heart that he assumed I’d expose him like that. “You saved my life, El. Why would I deliberately try to ruin yours in return?”

  He instantly chagrined, rubbing his face with his hand as his shoulders slouched. “Fuck, of course, you didn’t.” He massaged his forehead. “I’m losing my mind.” His heavy palm landed on my knee, warm, powerful, apologetic.

  “It’s right for you to be nervous.” I patted his knuckles.

  His body shifted as he shook his head. “I trust you. Trust implies that I don’t need to ask such things.”

  Silence cloaked the car for a few seconds, both of us trying to figure out what to say next. When Elder spoke again, it was as if his question bypassed his lips and entered my mind before he’d even uttered it.

  I knew exactly what he would ask.

  And I answered before he could phrase it. “No, I didn’t.”

  His eyebrow rose, his lips tight even as curiosity shoved aside some of his anger. “You don’t know my question.”

  “I do.” I twisted closer to him. “You were going to ask if I gave them Alrik’s name. And the answer is no, I didn’t.”

  He shrugged, his illusion of calm not convincing. “Why not? Don’t you want justice...didn’t they want proof?”

  My heart suffered a crestfallen beat. We’d been so connected before. Now, we were this odd stumbling thing, stuck between incorrect comprehensions and rotten confusion.

  His question once again was hurtful. “You gave me all the justice I needed, and they didn’t need any more proof than what my body provided. My missing person’s file, I assume, is now closed. I had more than enough evidence that I was sold—”

  “Fuck.” Slouching into the seat, he covered his eyes. “What a bastard thing to say.” His fingers clenched around my knee. “Forgive me, Pim. It’s been a long few days.”

  He didn’t need my forgiveness. He already had my understanding.

  Reclining to match him, I rested my head on his shoulder, granting comfort to both of us. The matching tension in our spines trickled away breath by breath until we were able to step out of the misunderstanding and discomfort and find our way back to each other.

  We sighed in sync as I murmured, “I didn’t give them Alrik’s name as you helped deliver the justice he deserved. I also didn’t give them his name as I didn’t want any ties of them finding you.” I snuggled closer. “I might have walked away from you, Elder, but I did it because I care. You hurt when you’re around me. Just because I couldn’t physically hurt you anymore doesn’t mean I’d blab to anyone about you, destroy your business, your life, or wish anything bad for you.”

  My voice lowered to barely a whisper. “You’re the most important person in the world to me. My mother and father might have given me life, but you returned it to me when I no longer wanted it. For that you have my undying loyalty—no matter if we’re together or apart.”

  His body turned stiff as if he fought the desire to clutch me close and drag me into his lap. His steely gaze remained steadfast on the back of Selix’s head, breathing deeply through his nose. Closing his eyes for a moment, he spoke in the same hushed but heavy tones I’d used. “You were wrong about you physically hurting me.”

  I looked at his powerful jaw, three-day-old shadow, and black endless eyes.

  He wet his lips with a flash of his tongue. “You emotionally crippled me, Pim. You’ve reached inside and wrapped around everything vital keeping me alive.” He smirked at nothing, not dropping his gaze to see me. “You should never have left because now I know what it feels like to no longer have you, and I have no fucking idea how I’ll ever let you go.”

  His pain became a visible thing, a heavy scarlet wave seeping from his chest into mine. I knew what he felt because I felt it, too. I knew the emptiness he feared because the same emptiness resided in me at the very thought of being apart again.

  Words danced on my tongue.

  Promises I could never keep.

  It wasn’t up to me to tell him what to do. If he couldn’t live with me as friends, just like he couldn’t live with me as lovers, then I must be prepared to leave again.

  I sucked in a sharp breath and layered my silence with another.

  I didn’t utter any oaths.

  I didn’t make any vows.

  Because I didn’t want to be condemned if I broke them.

  Selix saved our awkwardness, turning to face us as the car rolled to a stop. “Ready?”

  His voice shattered the moment.

  Thank goodness.

  Elder rolled his shoulders, granting me a fleeting smile as he sat taller. “Come on, Pim. Let’s go home.”

  I didn’t speak as he slid out of the car, giving me his hand to help me climb from cushion to airfield.

  I did a double take.

  Selix had mentioned they’d had no time to sail, but I hadn’t expected a helicopter in lieu of the behemoth yacht.

  Not giving me time to get used to the idea, Elder clutched me close and guided me toward the hulking rotary machine as if afraid I’d reassess my desire to return with him. As if I’d suddenly turn contrary.

  Nothing was further from the truth.

  I’d always been a serious girl, thanks to my mother’s strict rules and discipline.

  Now, I was morbid in my convictions. When I spoke a promise, it was a blood oath. It was better than any contract and deeper than any vow.

  And that was why, as Elder helped me climb into the small helicopter and strapped me into the five-point harness, as Selix jumped into the pilot seat and Elder commandeered the co-pilots, I whispered softly what I never dared breathe in the car.

  I really shouldn’t. I definitely shouldn’t.

  I couldn’t help it.

  “As long as you want me, Elder Prest, I’m not going anywhere. I’m yours until you decide otherwise.”

  He didn’t hear me as the rotors slowly wound, louder and louder.

  He didn’t look back as I wrapped my arms around myself and smiled.

  My promise was my life.

  And I’d just given it to Elder, wrapped in a bow, gifted in a box, willingly donated with my heart.

  Chapter Thirteen

  ______________________________

  Elder

  ARRIVING BACK ON the Phantom, I unbuckled and leapt from the helicopter before the blades finished spooling.

  The entire flight, I couldn’t stop berating myself for what I’d done to Pim.

  How I’d left Pim.

  How I’d interrogated Pim.

  How she’d been poked and prodded by doctors and interrogated by police about circumstances I wished I could rip from her memory and incinerate—or better yet, prevent from ever happening.

  Something about her felt different.

  Something not quite right but not exactly wrong, either. Something secretive? Something accepting?

  I didn’t know what it was, but as I held out my hand for her to balance herself while jumping from cabin to helipad, she gave me the softest, kindest smile I’d ever seen. A smile that somehow basked me in forgiveness while making me stupidly hope everything could work out, no matter that I had a ticking time bomb inside my skull.

  Her fingers tightened in mine as I went to tug away, preventing me from leaving. Having her clutch me did strange but wonderful things to my heart. Her smile turned sweet as chocolate and just as dark.

  My cock instantly reacted. I jerked her close only for Selix to clear his throat, raising his eyebrow in my direction.

  I stepped back, managing to extract my hand from Pim’s.

  She gave me yet another smile—this one slightly self-conscious and apologetic—then dropped her arm.

  How could a s
mile have so many different dialects and conversations? How could I understand the nuisances behind different shaped lips?

  The intricacies of human interaction filled my mind before I could calm my overactive thoughts. I wanted to know how evolution had turned a warning signal of baring teeth into what Pim wielded—the perfect beauty of conveying everything she thought but would never say.

  Selix moved off toward the bridge as trained staff members came to tether and look after the chopper.

  Clearing my throat, I made the mistake of making eye contact with Pim and having my heart suffocate with crushing desire to grab her, kiss her, drag her back to my room, and never let her leave my bed.

  Marching away, I didn’t wait for her to fall into step. “Come, I’ll take you back to your room.”

  Her smile fell, but she pushed off into a quick stride to keep up. We didn’t speak as we traversed the deck. We didn’t look at the horizon and flocking seabirds, we didn’t pay attention to the milling staff, and we definitely didn’t look at each other as I pressed the elevator button and stepped inside the mirrored box to ascend to her level.

  I kept my eyes resolutely on the doors as they closed in front of us.

  Pim knew better than to interact.

  She sensed everything I was battling, and I was grateful she understood enough to stay quiet and let me get a hold on having her back in my domain.

  My skin hummed having her so close.

  My hands opened and closed with the need to touch her.

  It was a blessed relief when the doors slid open. I bolted into the wide corridors of her deck. Inhaling deep, I tried to delete the sickening lust quickly building into unavoidable.

  Pim padded beside me, close but not too close, her presence slowly forming a mushroom cloud of tangles inside me. By the time we stopped by her door, my muscles seized and minor tremors quaked down my legs.

  She was back on my yacht.

  She was back in my life.

  I wanted to fucking celebrate and jump overboard in equal measure.