First Debt Read online

  Flaw had the decency to blanch. “No. I was overseeing a shipment for Jet. I heard about it, though.”

  I laughed coldly. “Heard about it?” I shot a glower at Kes. His arms were crossed, looking pensive.

  My voice ached with defiance. “If you’ve been told details of what happened, what is your opinion, from an outsider’s perspective?”

  What are you doing?

  The whole conversation had no point. I didn’t know why I pushed it. I just knew I couldn’t breathe properly ensconced in a room with Kestrel. I was argumentative, jumpy, and completely on edge.

  Flaw looked at Kes, shrugging as if asking for guidance. Kes nodded, chewing on the inside of his cheek, obviously just as lost as I was with where I was going with this.

  Taking a deep breath, Flaw muttered, “I was told why they did it—it was an icebreaker. To remove barriers between you and the brotherhood. I was told it was a onetime thing and from now on to treat you as one of us.”

  “Better than one of us,” Kes murmured. “You’re our guest, first and foremost, and we’re responsible for your wellbeing.”

  There were so many inconsistencies in that sentence; I didn’t know where to begin.

  Didn’t he get it that I wasn’t a guest but a woman destined to die? I was their captive!

  Ignoring Kes for now, I glared at Flaw. “That was the reason you were told. What about what you believe? Tell me if you found it acceptable. Tell me how you would feel if all of this happened to your sister or wife.”

  Kes sucked in a breath beside me. “I see what you’re doing, Nila.”

  I shuddered at the use of my first name. I’d been trying so long for Jethro to use it, yet his younger brother needed no such encouragement.

  Abandoning my witch-hunt on Flaw, I turned to the man who made me itch with annoyance, intrigue, and temper. “What do you see, Kestrel?”

  Kes’s eyes tightened; something harsh and hot flowed between us. Some resemblance of the kinky, sexual man from our text messages flashed, then was hidden. “I know you’re searching for validation of being debased in such a way. Regardless of what you think, it wasn’t sexual. Those men weren’t there to get off on tasting you. They were there to strip you.”

  I laughed. “Well, they certainly succeeded.”

  I was naked and had my first orgasm in front of them. If that isn’t the bare essentials of any human, I don’t know what is.

  Kes continued, “What if I told you that whole thing wasn’t just about you? What if I told you the men who witnessed your nakedness and were privileged enough to taste you were now indebted to you?”

  “Don’t talk to me about debts,” I snarled.

  Kes inched closer, encroaching on my mental safety. “By seeing you struggle, by witnessing the power that grew in you with each round of the table, you earned their respect. You earned their devotion. And you were welcomed into our world with no barriers. That’s what the lunch was about. A power play where you gave up your power and gained theirs in return.”

  I couldn’t stand his crisp, accented voice delivering something that shouldn’t make sense, only for it to resonate perfectly inside.

  Murmuring, he said, “You can’t deny you feel different. Stronger. Braver. You were at your most vulnerable, but you survived.” Reaching up, he captured the ends of my ponytail cascading over my shoulder. “We showed you your true worth, Nila Weaver, and now you’ll have the strength to face the future intact and not break until it’s time.”

  My heart stuttered then died. “You gave me all of that, just so I wouldn’t be broken for the final debt?”

  The cruelty. The brutality.

  Locking eyes with me, Kes whispered, “I give you my word. You are strong enough to get through this.”

  The room faded until the only thing that existed was Kes and I. I didn’t know if it was the possibility of him being Kite that drew me to him or the empathy deep in his gaze but something was undeniable. The longer we stared, the more he drained me of fight and fortified me with courage.

  “Forgive me?” he whispered.

  “Forgive you?”

  My mind skipped. Was he asking for forgiveness for licking me like his brothers or for deceiving me with text messages?

  Either way, I had no willpower to offer him absolution.

  Did I take a wrong turn somewhere? Had I entered an alternate universe where I was no longer a prisoner, destined to be a plaything for bastards, and somehow became an…equal?

  Kes moved closer, his body heat making me quiver. “I understand why you can’t. I was selfish for asking something you can’t give.”

  A crashing headache squeezed my temples. “I—I don’t understand what’s going on.” I flinched as the words spilled from my mouth, raining confusion and vulnerability.

  Kes didn’t twitch or move away, only twirled his fingers in my hair. “You’ll understand, soon enough.” Closing his eyes briefly, he released my ponytail and took a step back.

  Instantly, the real world swamped into being: sunlight, the feel of luxurious carpet beneath my flip-flops, and the crackle of wood burning in the large fireplace behind Flaw.

  If this was another game orchestrated by the hellish Mr. Hawk, then he’d just won because Kestrel had drained me more successfully than anyone. He’d made me pliant and submissive. He’d done what no amount of fear or arguing with Jethro could achieve.

  And that made Kestrel deadly.

  My heart thrummed with true fear.

  Another huge difference between the brothers: one used softness to control me; the other wielded frost and fury.

  How naïve was I to believe Kes could ever be on my side. He was the polar opposite—the snake in the proverbial grass—just waiting for Jethro to fail, so he could sink his fangs of pity into me and bring me under his spell.

  I knew without a doubt I had to understand my enemies, and quickly, before they manipulated my mind with falsities.

  Taking a deep breath, I crossed my arms across my chest, wishing I had a jacket. The chill of my conclusions stole into my blood, making me shiver with trepidation.

  What had just happened, and why did I feel as if I’d lost?

  At least with Jethro, I saw him. We were evenly matched in will and temper. And we both conceded defeat with yet another challenge met head on.

  Kestrel was dangerous.

  Treacherous.

  Skilled in manipulation so clever, my thoughts were enamoured and I had no hope of deciphering what truly occurred.

  Flaw clapped his hands, completely dispelling the tense mood. “I’m glad that’s all resolved.”

  Moving toward the wingback where a saddlebag revealed the muzzles of weapons, he plucked it off and patted the buttoned leather. “Sit. Hang out with us, if you don’t have anything else to do.” Shooting a look at Kes, he said to me, “Can I get a maid to bring you something? Coffee, tea, a snack?”

  I looked into his dark eyes, utterly gobsmacked. “Is this a new strategy? Commiserate with the indebted girl—give her the illusion she has friends?”

  Flaw shook his head. “Uh…”

  “Everyone is to treat you with utmost civility, Nila. It isn’t a trick,” Kes’s deep voice rumbled.

  Trick?

  This was beyond a trick. It was an entire production of tricks.

  But what could I do? Nothing. I just had to play along and hope I could see the truth through the lies.

  Flaw nodded at the door. “You found us—remember? We have nothing to gain by inviting you in here and talking.”

  Kes said, “He’s right. We’re not going to hurt you.”

  But you did if you’re Kite. You hurt me by pretending.

  I glared hard, hoping he’d get my unspoken message.

  Kes looked away, hiding any hint he might’ve picked up on my temper. Stalking toward the groaning bookshelves lining the walls of the saloon, he cupped his chin, searching for something.

  “Ah, ha.” Snagging an oversized tome with tatty bindings,
he brought it back toward me with a twinkle in his eyes. “I think this might interest you.”

  Beckoning me to take a seat, he pulled up an ottoman and sat beside the empty wingback. Quirking his eyebrow, he waited for me to deliberate.

  Should I leave or stay? Should I continue to play whatever this was or go and hunt for the man who made me wet and terrified me?

  Slowly, my feet moved toward the chair. Sinking down onto the firm leather, Kes placed the heavy book into my lap. “Relax and forget about this world for a while.”

  I couldn’t take my eyes off the literature. A large gold filigree ‘W’ embossed the cover with what looked like an oak tree sprouting countless limbs of foliage.

  “What is it?” I asked, tracing the majestic old-wealth of such a book.

  Kes grinned, inching closer to open the first page. “It’s your history.”

  My heart thrummed as his bulk seared my left side. My eyes devoured the beautifully scripted calligraphy.

  “Every Weaver woman who’s stayed with us has made notes and shared her journey, along with patterns and fashions created while living with us.” He gently flipped a page, where faint sketches decorated along with the signature of one of my ancestors. Notes scribbled about what sort of fabric to source, along with diary-like entries of what life was like living in the nest of Hawks.

  My hands shook. Leaning over, I couldn’t read fast enough.

  Today was a good day. Bonnie had the chiffon I requested delivered, and I spent the afternoon in her chambers, creating a new crinoline evening gown. She’s a surly old bat, but when you get to know her…

  The next paragraph had been scribbled out, so dark and determined, I had no hope of reading what was written. It continued:

  The passion to create had disappeared. I lived in a void with no urge to sketch or pin or sew. I hate that I’ve found that passion here of all places, but at least…

  As much as I do not wish to admit—I’m happy.

  My eyes shot up to Kestrel’s. “You’re trying to prove that my family were content with their imprisonment?” My heart froze over at such atrocities. But how could I deny it when it was in black and white?

  Kes smiled softly. “Happiness comes in many forms: sex, freedom, control. I think everyone has the capacity to find happiness in even the darkest of places.”

  Grabbing the majority of the pages, he flipped them over, revealing unmarred parchment.

  Chills scattered down my back.

  It’s for me.

  It’s been waiting for me to fill with my journey.

  “This is yours, Nila. If there aren’t enough blank pages, we’ll have a book binder add more.” With gentle fingertips, he tucked a loose piece of hair behind my ear.

  I jolted from his touch, my emotions going haywire.

  “This is the first gift of many. You’ll see.”

  My eyes locked with his; a ball lodged in my throat.

  Awareness sparked between us; my lips parted as I sucked in a breath. Kes looked at me the exact same way Jethro had after our fight in the forest, after he’d blown down my throat, after I’d won. That same awe, same secretive amazement, now blazed in his brother’s gaze.

  Words deserted me as I fell into his soul, allowing him to spellbind me, despite everything that he was.

  I gasped as his fingers clasped mine, squeezing hard. Dropping his voice to a soft whisper, he said, “Whatever you think of my family, don’t let it taint what you think of me.” Waving with his free hand, he continued, “These are my quarters. My bedroom is off this saloon. If it ever gets to be too much, if my brother ever goes too far, you’re welcome to find sanctuary here.”

  Bowing his head, energy and connection poured from him. “You’re always welcome.”

  My heart hurled itself against my ribcage, bruising itself in its urge to flee or perhaps surrender to the perfectly delivered offer of kinship.

  I froze as he cupped my chin. My skin twinged as he held me firm. “Now, Nila Weaver, read. Forget us, and spend time with your true family.”

  THREE FUCKING HOURS, I looked for her.

  I hunted through Hawksridge Hall, opened doors into rooms I never wanted to step foot into ever again, and stalked down corridors I’d long since forgotten about as I never explored that part of the house.

  I bumped into Diamond Brothers and got caught up in a strategy meeting for the next shipment arriving in three days, but no matter how many bedrooms, bathrooms, and lounges I searched, I found nothing.

  Nothing!

  Had she run again? Could she be that fucking stupid to try and escape after I’d proven how useless that was?

  Damn my father for dismissing us.

  The moment I’d stepped outside the dining room, Kes had requested my help on a matter. Seeing as he was the only person I had time for, I reluctantly followed, even though I wanted to wait till Cut had finished with Nila. I fucking hated her being alone with him. My knuckles ached from fisting so hard, and I didn’t know how I would survive when the time came to share.

  I’d go fucking insane.

  I’d have to make sure all loaded ammunition was barred from the house, so I didn’t end up slaughtering my entire family.

  Nila Weaver was mine, goddammit. I didn’t want anyone talking, touching, or twisting her thoughts without my permission.

  Calm the fuck down.

  I slammed to a stop in the middle of a corridor. If I bumped into Cut in this state, he’d know I wasn’t coping. He’d take me so damn low, I wouldn’t stand a chance of climbing out of the glacier so fast.

  You shouldn’t be thawing so quickly.

  I agreed with my internal logic. I shouldn’t be feeling this type of emotion. I shouldn’t be letting my feelings get the better of me.

  Breathing hard through my nose, I locked my jaw and recited the same thing I did every day, ten times a day, twenty even—all to remind myself of who I was meant to be and hide who I truly was.

  My lips moved as I let the words trickle silently in my mind.

  I’m a shadow lurking in plain sight.

  A predator in sheep’s clothing.

  I prey on the weak with no apology.

  I hide my true temper beneath a veil of decorum.

  I’ve mastered the art of suave.

  I’m a gentleman. Distinguished, accomplished, and shrewd.

  I’m all of those things but none of them.

  Rules and laws don’t apply to me.

  I’m a rule-breaker, curse-maker, life-stealer.

  The minute I’d finished, my hands balled, and the devil’s advocate whispered in my ear.

  You’re lying. It’s a farce.

  Clenching my jaw, I forced my heart rate to calm and for the ice to take me hostage. Repeating the mantra, I slowly fell under its hypnosis. My back relaxed, the knots in my muscles unthreading. My sweaty palms went paper dry and cold, while my face turned slack with uncaring.

  Finally.

  The calmness siphoning through my veins was welcome, turning everything frigid and controllable in its path.

  Everything about my life since I was fifteen fucking years old was a carefully designed and executed illusion.

  Up till now, I’d survived.

  I’d buried the true me beneath a man so cold and perfect—even I believed—most of the time.

  But every now and again, a hairline fracture would show in my glacier shell.

  And my father would notice.

  And he would…‘fix’ me.

  Until I was old enough to fix myself, of course.

  Which I’d done only the night before, so why was I having such difficulty now?

  The thawing had happened too fast. Normally, I could pass a few weeks, sometimes more, before I ever needed to be fixed. But Nila Weaver was the sun upon my ice, turning me into a river that wanted to flow and change and grow. Not freeze and remain forever unmovable.

  There was only one course of action to get through her invasion into my senses and survive her stay
with us. I just didn’t know if I had the strength to do it.

  Shaking away that terrible thought, I prowled forward.

  The sounds of men came and went as I passed rooms, and scents of fresh baking from the kitchens made my mouth water.

  I almost walked right past her as I moved through the house lost in my thoughts. The sounds of conversation muted my attention, and if it hadn’t have been for the strangest sound imaginable, I would’ve strode right by.

  I slammed to a halt outside my brother’s room.

  Outside my brother’s room.

  The abominable sound came again.

  Laughter.

  Feminine laughter.

  Nila’s laughter.

  And it wasn’t cynical or full of contempt—it was light-hearted and relaxed.

  The lyrical sound twisted my heart, turning my self-pity into fucking rage. I barged into Kestrel’s apartment wing with no knock, no request, and slammed to a halt.

  Flaw, Kes, and Nila sat in a grouping of wingbacks, smiling and sharing a good old fucking laugh.

  What. The. Fuck?

  Kes looked up, his mouth spread into a broad smile. “Jet! Nice of you to join us.” His tone was a direct contradiction to his welcome.

  I narrowed my eyes, trying to understand how my brother—my one ally who knew the truth about me—was antagonising me to the point of ruining everything. What was his deal?

  I stupidly felt betrayed—worse than betrayed—provoked.

  Nila’s laugh cut off as she sat straighter in her chair. Her cheeks were flushed, annoyance at my interruption bright in her dark eyes.

  She had the gall to be annoyed at me? When she belonged to me?

  Flaw had the decency to stand. “Eh, I think I better go check on the…” Clearing his throat, he moved away from the small group. “Catch you guys later.”

  With a sideways look at me, he disappeared through the door, shutting it behind him.

  The moment he’d gone, I seethed, “Care to explain what’s going on?”

  Kes stood up. “Calm down and no, I don’t. You don’t have to understand everything, Jet.” Throwing a quick grin at Nila, he asked, “Unless you’d care to tell my brother what’s so funny?”

  Nila stared at me coldly. A second ticked past, then another, her temper shooting me cleanly through the chest.